Near Death Experiences
by Bons Baisers
Summary: Kagome lies dying in the ruins of a failed drug bust. As she slowly chokes to death on her own blood, she recalls the events of her life that brought her to this point. InuKag Oneshot.


Disclaimer: Not mine.

_Shit._ Kagome thought helplessly. _What did I do wrong? What else should I have done? Dammit! _She raised a fist, brought it down furiously on the concrete beside her. The gesture did nothing to relieve her rage, but probably worsened her already precarious situation.

She lay flat on her back in the dark belly of a condemned building, one which had been gutted of its hoard of prime cocaine and heroine a few hours before. An action she was supposed to have prevented. If she had called for back-up, she probably could have done it. Even though security around the building had been tighter than intelligence had reported, she was a damned good agent. And she should have been able to pull this off. She should have ended up with another commendation for her outstanding fieldwork. She should have proven to Kato that she didn't need a partner; she worked better alone. Instead, she lay splayed out on a cold grey floor in an abandoned warehouse, excruciating pain shackling her to the ground in the darkness, where she unwillingly relived old memories and rehashed old conversations. And where she was dying.

If she'd struck the ground head-on, the trauma would have killed her instantly. Instead, she had remembered something _he'd _taught her about falling, and had curled up to protect her head, landing instead on her left side. The impact broke her ribs. And trying to get up had forced one of the broken bones into a lung.

She was drowning in her own blood.

That should have upset her. She should have been angry with herself for her foolhardiness. She should have been angry with her new partner, for allowing her to go alone with so little remonstrance. She should have been angry at the bastard who'd shoved her off the catwalk and onto the unyielding concrete below and then again for leaving her to die. But the thing that made her sick with fury, the unforgivable thing, was her own weakness.

After six years, she still hadn't moved on. After all the effort she'd invested in a new life, a different life, in these final moments she still just couldn't forget. After the changes she'd inflicted on her body, on her soul, she was still just the high school kid in love with someone who barely knew how to love her back, though God knew he'd tried there at the end.

_What? Inuyasha? Inuyasha! Inuyasha!_

_Kagome!_

_I can't get through!_

_Kagome, stop, you'll hurt yourself!_

_INUYASHA!_

_Come away, that thing's a death trap, Kagome!_

_No… no, Inuyasha!_

_You'll fall! It's gone, Kagome, the well's been destroyed. Come away._

_No!_

_I don't know. I just don't want to be me anymore._

_Do you want to keep it long?_

_No. Chop it all off._

_Here?_

_Shorter._

_This probably won't feel too bad just now, but it will be sore for the next few weeks._

_Okay._

_Just be sure to clean it with antiseptic twice a day. Especially after you shampoo._

_Yeah._

_But why, Kagome? America? I thought you applied to the exchange programs in Korea!_

_I need to get away._

_Your English isn't that great, sis._

_It's better than my Korean._

_You're just looking for excuses!_

_Maybe._

_It's been three years, Kagome. Grow up already._

_She's perfect, Bill._

_She's barely out of college. Green._

_She's cold, man. _

_Cold._

_Yeah. Cold. Like she doesn't care about anything. Or give a damn if anyone cares about her._

_Put her in Ritter's outfit. See how she does there. Then… then we'll see._

_You bet you'll see. I'm telling you. She's perfect._

_What does that to a pretty girl like her?_

_Dunno, but we'll get a hell of an agent out of it._

_I don't need a partner, Bill._

_Like hell you don't, kiddo._

_I've gotten along just fine for two years._

_You need someone to look out for you._

_I've been doing that for myself for a long time now._

_You're still getting a partner._

_F you._

Was that really the last thing she'd said to him? If she'd had blood enough for it, her face would have flushed with shame. Bill Kocke had given her everything. He'd been a mentor and a friend when she'd pushed everyone else away. He never quite gave up on her. _I'm sorry, Bill. Forgive me. You were right. I needed someone. But you couldn't give me the partner I needed._

She'd run away so many times. She'd changed her look. She'd learned karate and muay thai. She'd been beaten, shot at, even nearly drowned once. She'd killed people. She'd seen fellow agents go down. She hadn't been home since before that first semester at NYU. She didn't even answer the phone when her mother called anymore.

She'd done everything she could to stop being Higurashi Kagome, because being the person he loved was so very painful. Because living without him was painful, she'd volunteered for the more dangerous assignments. Because he was gone, hidden forever behind a gateway locked by Naraku's final evil, she behaved as though she had a death wish.

Maybe she did.

But now that the wish was about to be fulfilled, she regretted it. He wouldn't have wanted her to die like this. He would have stormed the gates of Hell to prevent it. And she was letting him down.

After all these years of trying to create a life without him, of striving to exist alone, her one regret was going to be that she had failed him.

"Idiot."

Death was compassionate, to allow you hear the one thing you wanted most to hear before you expired.

"I leave you alone for just a little while, and look what you've done." A gentle claw brushed hair away from her face. She frowned. Death felt awfully tangible.

"There's an ambu-thing on the way. If you give up on me before it gets here, I won't forgive you." Death could be cruel, too, it appeared. Permitting her to hear the voice of a lost loved one was one thing. Offering hope where there was none was another matter altogether. Kagome was suddenly angry.

"That's not fair," she croaked, coughing. Blood rose in her throat from her punctured lung; she couldn't breathe. Careful hands turned her to her side, allowing her to expel the warm, sticky blockage.

"Shut up, stupid." A piercing scream filled her ears. _Sirens? _Her thoughts dissipated.

"Well, finally." His voice dripped with sarcasm.

Kagome blinked owlishly. She couldn't be dead; she hurt too damn much. An incessant beeping threatened her sanity. Her eyes settled on the dimmest corner of the room, although the whole place was unbearably bright. An impossible figure crouched on the floor. It rose, approached her.

"Not possible," she choked painfully.

"It would have been possible a lot sooner if you'd given me half a chance," Inuyasha complained.

"Souta finally found my message on the god-tree. It took him long enough, but you should have been the one to find it," he huffed. "Although," he admitted grudgingly, "five hundred years did wear it down a little. Souta probably wouldn't have found it if he hadn't been looking for a place to hide his lover's underthings from your mother."

Surprise cut through her disbelief. "Lingerie? In the tree?"

"Your mom wasn't very likely to climb it looking for evidence, was she?"

Kagome didn't answer. It couldn't be real. She was dreaming. Or crazy.

"Don't you even want to know what it said?" Inuyasha demanded, his tone a little hurt.

"Sure," Kagome answered weakly. Burn-out. That had to be it. That made sense.

"It said: rebuild the well on your side with wood from the god-tree." Kagome blinked.

"Kaede figured it out, but I'm the one that remembered that it was the tree that connected us." There were faint traces of pride in his voice. "Souta had the sense to listen to me"

An image of herself, standing in the snow by the god-tree forced itself onto her consciousness. At that time, she recalled, she had been able to hear him. Not through the well. Through the tree. She swallowed hard, almost daring to believe in the apparition before her.

"You still don't believe me," he accused. "Believe this!" He swooped down on her. His mouth found hers and explored every inch of it with a very eager, if inexperienced, tongue. He ran it along the ridges of her teeth, the outsides of her gums, the inside of her lips. He bit her tongue gently, pulled it inside his own mouth, inviting her to do the same. He nearly choked her, driving his tongue back along the roof of her mouth, almost into her throat. It was not a perfect kiss, Kagome thought ruefully. But it had the desired effect. She believed him.

"Ugh." He grimaced, recoiling. His eyes blazed with good humor, though. "Bloody," he explained. Evidently he thought the metallic tang of blood in her mouth from her near-death experience was amusing.

"Inuyasha?" Kagome asked shyly. His eyes softened, and he stepped toward her.

"What?"

"Sit, boy!"


End file.
